theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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