Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
