tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
