Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize