I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
