I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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