Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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