Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
