It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
time to smoke my breakfast
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
