She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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