and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
