like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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