It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
