porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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