I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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