yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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