I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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