I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
