I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Randomize
