i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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