you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
