woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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