so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
