yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
