And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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