Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
