you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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