I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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