I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
