She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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