her vagine was all disorganized.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
