I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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