textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
