the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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