i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
