If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
