From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
