$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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