it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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