pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
