Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
