John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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