is your mom at the bar?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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