Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
