i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
