I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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