Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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