they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
