Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i barfeds in our rink
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
