u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
This girl is more easily done than said...
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
