fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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