What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
