he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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