Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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