so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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