So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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