Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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