Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
