We named our party play list daddy issues
i love accidental penises.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
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