I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Randomize
