I hope mine doesn't look like that
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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