I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
