Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
