I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
