The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Randomize
