when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize