if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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