I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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