Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
