I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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